- "I am the Black Mage! I casts the spells that makes the peoples fall down!"
- —Black Mage
Black Mage Evilwizardington, also known as Black Mage or simply BM, is a powerful wizard from 8-Bit Theater and one of the Light Warriors. Of all the Light Warriors, Black Mage is easily the most evil, as his ordeal could think of no more evil a form to take than his own. Black Mage wishes to destroy everything in existence, starting with the other Light Warriors, except for White Mage, who he has a crush on. However, he is horribly inept and foolish and has made little (if any) progress towards such a lofty goal.
- First Appearance: Episode 001: We're going where?
A scheming, maniacal, power-hungry psychopath, Black Mage's ultimate goal is to usurp the powers of the gods of darkness and to destroy all creation. He hates everything, save for himself and White Mage, and has slaughtered
hundreds, if not thousands millions of people over the course of the series. However, he reserves a special hatred in his heart for Fighter, and although he repeatedly stabs him, he likes to keep him around as a "meat shield". Black Mage also hates Red Mage and Thief, stating this outright many times. However, they seem to view Black Mage as harmless, and Fighter is entirely unaware of Black Mage's hatred for him and considers him his best friend.
Even though he hates them, Black Mage does like/care about them at times. Black Mage and Red Mage will talk about comics, mostly about who would win in a fight between certain comic book characters. Black Mage gets along well with Thief at times because they both like to murder humans and dwarfs. He also has said that he respects Thief's capacity for evil and ability to understand Black Mage's sarcasm. Black Mage seems to care for Fighter's feelings such as when he came back from Hell and said "Even though I am the incarnation of all mortal evils I just don't have the heart." after Fighter said Black Mage came back from heaven.
The author Brian Clevinger has stated that "the universe only exists to hurt Black Mage". True to this, Black Mage is constantly abused and hurt during the course of the comic. Among other things, he has been impaled on Dragoon's spear, killed by Lich, been forced to vomit out his insides by Sarda, been hit in the genitals dozens of times, as well as repeatedly hit with White Mage's hammer. Black Mage is quick to betray his allies and turn against them, and has allied with several of their enemies, including two of the Four Fiends and Chaos. However, these alliances never work out and Black Mage is ultimately forced to join the Light Warriors again.
Unbeknownst to him, Black Mage is actually a cosmic nexus of pure magical energy, given human form. It has been implied by Darko that it is thus his purpose to destroy existence, something Black Mage wishes to do anyway. Black Mage attended Black Mage school, and was kicked out for implying he would kill an instructor and his family. He quickly met Fighter, who declared them best friends. Apparently the two have traveled together for some time, and Black Mage seems to keep Fighter around as a "meat shield" to fight enemies for him, as otherwise he cannot stand him.
He has gone to Black Magic College. While there he took summoning classes but he quit them due to the horn saying "Get this damn thing outta my hat."
In Episode 518: Iced he mentions having a brother, whom he stabbed in the eyes and threw into an uneven room full of knives and tiger pits. He claims it was because his mother had played favorites and Black Mage had become jealous. Similarly, in Episode 575: Rats Of Unusual Size, he also mentioned having a sister, who was bitten by a "Dire Elk". Also, he says "Well, I wouldn't use the present tense to describe any member of my family."
He started puberty about one year before the story started. As such, it is possible that he is actually the youngest of all the Light Warriors. This makes more sense as since Black Mage is a nexus of power, he would be a magical prodigy and be able to get into Black Mage College far, far sooner than most would dream of.
Black Mage was the first character in the entire comic to appear. He questions the reason for exploring the Giant's Forest, ultimately unleashing a Hadoken on the giant for which the forest is named. He then returns to Corneria with Fighter and destroys an entire nursing home to kill the old man who advised Fighter to explore the forest. Right after this he meets White Mage, whom he instantly finds to be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Black Mage has since made dozens of attempts to get White Mage to open her
heart robes to him, and each attempt has failed miserably.
For much of the comic, Black Mage used his trademark Hadoken to great and various effects, even using it to propel a boat in one instance. He otherwise tossed poor smart-alec quips and insults on the foolishness of his allies. He had repeatedly tried to separate from them and begin a new life alone, but invariably he ends up back with the Light Warriors. He attempts to kill them several times, but they survive, as a Black Mage's physical attacks are too weak to actually do significant damage to them.
At one point, Lich von Vampire actually killed Black Mage by breaking his spine. In Hell, Black Mage discovered a whole new part of Hell had been created just to suit his sins. He proceeded to remove the spines of the demons and take over, becoming the king of Hell. He returned to earth and killed Lich, and while telling the Light Warriors about his new powers, Lich restored the spines of the demons, who made him their new king. Black Mage was stripped of his powers and his soul forced back into his body, bringing him back to life.
When the other Light Warriors received their class changes, Black Mage's failed to take effect. Frustrated, he was contacted by Darko, who gave him the ability to use Blue Magic, and (on his request), a new wardrobe. Darko has since contacted Black Mage again and chastised his leisurely methods of world destruction, and has mentioned Black Mage's true existence as a nexus of energy to him. Darko has also implied that Dr. Swordopolis, Fighter's avatar, is working against him, among other characters.
In the most recent comics, Black Mage discovered the Light Warriors frozen, and thus went and became elected the new leader of the Dark Warriors. Although Garland declared Black Mage truly evil and a worthy leader, through a complex series of voting for different teams, Black Mage ended up back with the Light Warriors once again.
Through a mistake by Sulk to summon the Archfiends of Hell to do his homework, by using Cure albums, instead of the usual method, the four Fiends have returned planning to exact revenge against the Light Warriors. However, Black Mage then revealed that the evil he absorbed from his Doppelganger in the Castle of Ordeals increased his power dramatically, it's power taking the form of dark energy-based tentacles. He stabbed all of the Fiends in the head (Muffin repeatedly) and absorbed their powers. Black Mage's dark power eventually gouged White Mage in the chest. When going over to save her, Fighter turns against Black Mage, and the two "friends" duel. However, as a ploy to lower Fighter's guard, Black Mage claims to have realized that their fight would last forever and solve nothing (except razing the earth for miles around), due to their equal power, and told Fighter to go away and help White Mage. Black Mage then stabbed Fighter through the head with a black energy tendril. Then, to make doubly sure, he threw a black energy tendril through Fighter's groin. Thief, utilizing his ninja stealth, proceeded to stab BM in the back, but BM expected it and proclaimed that all Thief did was make himself the next target. Upon the attack, Thief disappears. Red Mage then states that he believes he can fight Black Mage, and the two face off. However, Sarda intervenes and revives Fighter and Thief much to Black Mage's chagrin. But then, Sarda shocks them all by proclaiming that they are all villains and need to be destroyed, with the exception of Fighter who just happens to be a casualty of war. (Frankly Fighter is statistically too dumb to survive anyways). Black Mage questions the reasons behind Sarda giving them quests and leveling them up to be so powerful, to which Sarda replies that it would show them just how insignificant they were and Black Mage proclaims that Sarda is really sick.
Just when it seems that Sarda is going to destroy the heroes, Red Mage declares he has a plan, and utilizes the "look, over there!" trick, which Sarda claims he knows is a trick but he does so anyway. Red Mage then proceeds to place the Light Warriors in a pocket dimension by dropping them between two portable holes (which he refers to as his "A-hole and B-hole", to Black Mage's disgust) and then explaining that he has a plan that will destroy Sarda thanks to absorbing the knowledge from the Datasphere. He says it will require teamwork which although they have heard about it, have never put it into action effectively. Red Mage then states that the first thing to do is kill Black Mage, who instantly protests this. Red Mage explains that since BM's heart is a powerful seething mass of hatred and dark power, it's the most powerful object around and can be as powerful as Sarda. BM says that since they live in a fantasy pastiche, there has to be something better than involuntary surgery. RM considers this and says that if BM could possibly channel the dark energies into some sort of beam, it could work, but that BM would have to be some kind of wizard to pull it off. Angry, BM states that he IS a wizard, since it is in his name (Black Mage Evilwizardington). Thief asks if his class change had something to do with a clown, and BM ponders why everyone asks that. Thief simply replies that he shouldn't dress the part. While BM seethes Fighter comments that BM sprung a leak.
While the Dark Warriors are busy not impressing Sarda, the Light Warriors come out of the a-hole dimension by turning Red Mage's a-hole inside out with Fighter's swords and not telling Fighter that it couldn't work that way. After some casual taunts by Red Mage which manage to distract Sarda somewhat, Thief, Black Mage and Fighter (grabbed by Thief) leave Red Mage standing alone with Sarda. Red Mage asks Sarda if he is sympathetic with his plight, to which Sarda laughes hysterically.
The Light Warriors cannot escape, as this is Sarda they are dealing with. However, when Red Mage "distracts" Sarda with all the spells known, while Black Mage casts his Black Hadoken, which destroys the Temple of Fiends and seemingly destroys Sarda. However, Sarda had only absorbed the power of the Black Hadoken, and is ready to finish the fight once and for all- or at least until Sarda overloads himself and becomes a vessel for Chaos. When this happens, Black Mage is all too eager to join Chaos and offers to kill the Light Warriors for him, but when Chaos announces that he will just use his Supergod powers to "lock the souls of all livings things on this plane in the eternal torment of the darkness between worlds", he is dismayed to find out that this includes him. Disappointed, he reluctantly agrees to help defeat Chaos. Though Red Mage bargains for 24 extra hours to help get stronger, the Light Warriors still are not powerful enough to defeat Chaos when time runs out. However, the Light Warriors have it easier, as White Mage and her party quickly vanquish Chaos, finally proving that good ol' White Mage parties do work. In the intervening years, he is mostly back where he started- stuck in the middle of nowhere with Fighter, with all of their money gone and trying to find a quest worth doing. They eventually start looking for the Armor of Invincibility again, which technically puts the reader back at the first page.
Fighter McWarrior: Although Fighter considers Black Mage his best friend, Black Mage despises Fighter and is constantly attacking him in some way. However, as a Fighter class, Fighter is simply too strong for Black Mage to do any lasting harm to him.
Sarda: Black Mage hates Sarda and is the only Light Warrior (except for perhaps Thief) who is aware that Sarda has nearly gotten them killed on multiple occasions and has no regard for their safety. Sarda has also repeatedly inflicted some sort of magical torment on Black Mage, such as teleporting him into the middle of the ocean and then dropping Australia on him.
White Mage: Black Mage's lustful obsession with White Mage is one of the series' longest running gags. White Mage considers Black Mage a horrible person and has said so to his face, but he ignores her. White Mage has a tendency to slam Black Mage with her hammer whenever he irritates her, but her caring nature and position as a healer have motivated her to heal him, or at least leave him alive.
Black Belt: When he was alive, Black Mage hated Black Belt for his heroism, similar stupidity to Fighter, and his position as White Mage's bodyguard. Black Mage has even tried to impersonate Black Belt to get close to White Mage, but as with all his plans he failed. When Black Belt was killed by Kary, for a few strips Black Mage made jokes about his death, much to White Mage's dismay.
Dragoon: Although Dragoon can make amazing jumps, he can only do so when landing on someone; his target of choice is Black Mage. As Red Mage explains it, Dragoon doesn't wish to land on Fighter because he has armor, Thief because he would likely dodge, kick, and sue, or Red Mage because he has "the look of a lean and deadly predator." Naturally, this leaves the "little fat guy."
Thief: While Black Mage begrudingly respects how cunning Thief is, Black Mage openly dislikes Thief, due to his constant scheming and stealing (which Black Mage isn't above), as Black Mage has fell victim to Thief's schemes on multiple occasions. However, they occasionally put aside their differences to slaughter Dwarves and other innocents. Because if there is anything that makes people good friends, it is non-discriminatory genocide of a nation.
Red Mage Statscowski: Black Mage often calls Red Mage an idiot only surpassed by Fighter, and is Black Mage's second most frequent victim to his stabbings. Despite this, the two are arguably friends (if only a loose version of this term), at least until Black Mage's actions of late have branded him a monster in the eyes of Red Mage. Their relationship after that point was strained, but the two probably don't think of each-other any differently at this point. They often engage in conversations about magic and superheroes.
Chaos: Although Black Mage professes to be a devout follower of Chaos and offers to kill the other Light Warriors for him, Chaos himself does not reciprocate this loyalty when he appears to the Light Warriors. In fact, when Black Mage asked if his destructive tendencies and loyalty to Chaos caused him to be included in the destruction, he simply said "BIG time".
The one thing he is most famous for though, is the Hadoken spell (named after the fireball attack in the real-life Street Fighter video games). A beam of pure destructive energy, which looks more like a Shinkuu Hadoken, a variant of the Hadoken, and Kamehameha wave from the Dragon Ball series. Black Mage acquired it by sacrificing orphaned children to the gods of evil, and the Hadoken is powered by love, in the same way that a car is powered by gasoline. Using the Hadoken siphons love from the world, resulting in an increase in the world divorce rate every time Black Mage uses it. The one disadvantage of the spell is that it is so powerful, Black Mage can only cast it once a day.
Besides the Hadoken, Black Mages knows several black magic spells. He has implied he knows Death spells, but has not actually cast any. He also has blue magic, allowing him to learn some magic-based attacks once he is hit with them. However, according to his conversation with Darko it is less of an array of powers "and more of a Goblin Punch". Black Mage also carries twin daggers with him, which he uses to stab people, usually in the head. However, as a mage, these attacks rarely do any damage to their targets. Fighter in particular has been stabbed in the head by Black Mage multiple times and not even noticed. Black Mage knows the following spells:
Main Article: List of Spells in 8-Bit Theater.
- Bolt-2, which he calls "Electric Death"
- Meteor (called Meteo)
- Hadoken (and the Helldoken)
- Unnamed Fire spell
- Hypno vision
- Heat vision (Which Red Mage claims he does not have)
- Feather Fall
- Goblin Punch (As he called it, "Inna NERTS!". It also apparently created a small atomic blast. It is less a punch, and more a kick to the groin.)
- "Re-Write Reality According to My (Sarda's) Whim" Spell (which does not work on Sarda, the one time he tried it, it simply added the words "you moron" to his speech bubble. Based on the only time he tried it, it can be inferred that the spell only rewrites reality according to Sarda's whim. Episode 1131: Turnabout Isn’t Fair Play)
- "Spell that hurts Black Mage" This spell is a spell cast on him by Sarda that made him vomit his intestines out. Black Mage then tried to cast that spell back on Sarda, but as he discovered, "When Sarda casts a spell to hurt you and you learn that spell, you learn to cast a spell that hurts you."
Black Mage can apparently crap in other peoples pants, though this may have been a trick by Thief.
Black Mage specifically does not use Ice Spells because "The only thing Ice spells are good for is a party"
More recently, he has been shown to have learned a few new techniques from absorbing his ordeal. He uses extreme dark power and starts to glow red. He then quickly impales every foe multiple times with his knife until they die, and finishes the assault with an explosion of darkness. Despite all this power, he still is terrible at insults.
Based on his
wanton slaughter of all who enter a shoe store business venture, Black Mage would appear to have skill in making shoes. He is able to make shoes out of the face of a man, which are apparently very comfortable with the exception of those made from baby skin (available fresh daily). Why anyone would want to make shoes out of either of them is hard to tell, but a pair were made for King Steve.
In attempt to show that he can finally kill the other assholes, he expels multiple tendrils of darkness to rid of them. He has seemingly no control over this, as he misses them completely, and instead hits White Mage.
- Black Mage's takeover of hell is a reference to Final Fantasy II, in which the Emperor is killed and becomes the Emperor of Hell in death, and ascends back to earth to use his new powers over Hell to take over the world. The Emperor had about as much success taking over the world as Black Mage has. Luckily for Black Mage, Blood Swords don't exist in 8-Bit Theater's world.
- According to Thief the only things in Black Mage's pockets are moldy spell components and old gum wrappers.
- Instead of having a good conscience and a bad conscience he has a bad conscience and an atrociously evil conscience. The distinction between the two is getting progressively smaller. He also has an inner-scrutiny who is supposed to stop him from saying something that makes him feel like a jackass or moron, but Black Mage never listens to him. ("That explains so much of my life.")
- He once had eight extra senses when controlling Hell.
- He once worshiped a god named MST'R IEB'AL. This is a pun about the phrase "Mr. Eyeball"
- Black Mage apparently only went through puberty one year prior to the start of 8-Bit Theater. This could mean that Black Mage is the youngest of the Light Warriors (Thief is the eldest as he is an elf). This is further suggested by the fact that Black Mage is a nexus of cosmic energy; he is a magical prodigy and so would go to Black Mage College years before most would dream of doing so.