8-Bit Theater
E3 ‘05: Dream Analysis
Dream Analysis.jpg
Guest comic by
Date Published Sunday, May 22, 2005
Previous Comic E3 ‘05: White Magic for Dummies
Next Comic E3 ‘05: Monster Manual
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White Mage has really disturbing dreams...

Cast Appearing[]


  • Psychology Room
  • White Mage's dream


White Mage I just...Doctor, I don't know what to do anymore!
They're driving me to distraction!
Black Mage (disguised as a psychologist) Mmhmm...I see...
White Mage It's like having a bunch of morally corrupt, murderous idiot-children!
Cuts to White Mage, overwhelmed on raising the Light Warriors, who are children...
Black Mage (being cradled) Woohoo! Check out those bazoongas! I mean, damn, woman!
Thief She's mine. I saw her first, and I'm charging all of you filthy non-elves a 10000% interest rate for partaking of her motherhood.

And I'm charging you double for the honor of being my mother.
Fighter (swinging scissors around) BM was right! Running with scissors is fun!
Red Mage (in drag) I feel pretty.
Black Mage (scribbling a tic-tac-toe puzzle on his clipboard) Und zis pressure? How does it make you feel?
Vat kinds of dreams haff you been haffing lately, hmm?
White Mage Well, I did have this one dream the other night...
We cut to White Mage's dream
Black Mage Hey baby, lookin' good!
Black Mage And by "good", I mean "your boobs".
White Mage (brandishing a chainsaw) Rrraaaaauuuuugggghhh!!!
Black Mage Eep.
Fighter (carrying scissors) Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage!

Hey, White Mage! Guess what?
Fighter Guess, what's fun, White Mage?
White Mage massacres him with her chainsaw. She goes after Thief, her robes blood-soaked.
Thief I'm calling my lawyers!
Thief This is a violation of your contraaaaaact!
White Mage (laughing manically)
Red Mage Nooooo! I'm too brilliant to die!
White Mage stands over the dead bodies, Sarda included, laughing triumphantly under the full moon.
White Mage ...And afterward, I felt the most profound sense of peace and well-being, as if all was right with the world.
White Mage Does this make me a bad person?
Black Mage Are you sure zat you do not haff any repressed sexual anxieties?
Black Mage takes off his disguise and winks at her...White Mage chases after him with her chainsaw.