8-Bit Theater
Episode 100
"...and that Dragons eat your smelly hat."
"...and that Dragons eat your smelly hat."
White Mage Makes It All Better
Date Published Wednesday, December 12th, 2001
Previous Comic Episode 099: A Look into the Private Thoughts of Fighter
Next Comic Episode 101: They Sure Don't Act Like Light Warriors
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White Mage teaches some important lessons to everyone, except Black Mage

Cast Appearing[]



White Mage goes to Red Mage.
White Mage Red Mage, why don't you just use your own healing magic next time? I won't always be around to save you.
Red Mage But I want to stay at my peak versatility level!
White Mage Think of it like this: which is more versatile? A dead mage or a living mage minus one white spell?
Red Mage Hmm...

I see. You've opened my eyes, White Mage. Thank you.

White Mage goes to Thief, whose money bag is stuck in a bush.
White Mage What's the matter, Thief?
Thief My bag full of gold is stuck in this bush. I can't get it loose.
White Mage Let go of your worldly possessions. They will only slow you down.
Thief That's the craziest thing I ever heard!

And mind you, I've talked to Fighter before, but that's still crazier!

White Mage Thief...
Thief I feel... strangely unburdened. Probably because gold is very heavy and I had quite a lot of it. Y'know, from all the stealing. It's what I do, me being a thief, and all.
White Mage I'm just happy to have helped you see that greed is not the path to peace.
Thief Oh yeah. Definitely.
(thinking) I wonder if I could cut off the branch it's stuck on...
White Mage goes to Fighter, who is holding a scroll.
White Mage What'cha got there, Fighter?
Fighter It's the working design for my new brilliant invention: sword-chucks. But I've run into a little problem...
White Mage reads the scroll.
White Mage Hm, I think I understand the over all principle of your design. Perhaps a longer length of chain would make it possible for one to actually wield the weapon without hacking off one's own limbs.
Fighter Perfection!
White Mage goes to Black Belt.
White Mage No one thinks you're gay. And even if you were, it wouldn't matter..
Black Belt You're right, I have no reason to be so paranoid about what others may or may not think. Besides, love is love. We should let it flourish wherever we can find it.
White Mage goes to Black Mage.
Black Mage Yo.
White Mage You are simply a horrible little monster and I pray for your quick and merciful death.
Black Mage Flirt!
Thief manages to get the money bag.
Thief To the thief go the spoils!