8-Bit Theater
Episode 129
This is where the episode (and I) reached a climax.
This is where the episode (and I) reached a climax.
Blah Blah Blah
Date Published Tuesday March 19th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 128: The Acid Would Be Healthier
Next Comic Episode 130: Good ol' Fighter Lookin' Out for His Buddies
Read Episode

Black Mages thinks a lot while the creator of this article puts his hand in icy water to relieve himself of cramp.

Cast Appearing[]



Black Mage (thinking) Okay then. Time to reassess the situation. I am currently ankle deep in a tub of Mountain Dew. I fear that my feet shall stink of it for weeks to come. On the bright side, it can't possible be any worse than that one time I cast Gorgak's Foot Funk on myself. To be fair, that fiasco had less to do with miscasting magic than it did with my hygiene practices at the time. But you've got to admit, it was damned impressive anyway. I mean, really. To conjure up a demon of funk just by stinking up the place so much that the creature took it as competition... well, not many people can say they've done that, that's for sure. Man, I'm so glad no one will ever know the horrible, horrible truth of that day...

Er, but where was I? Ah yes. reassessment.

I am currently surrounded by enemies and, coincidentally, by morons. Well, other than White Mage, of course. I think she's rubbing up against me... which is pretty cool. Maybe it would impress her if I burnt the flesh from the bones of everyone else in the room, captured their freshly released souls, defiled them through the 32 paths of the three veils of negative existence, and offered them up to Lord Chaos to gain favor in his eyes and thus find a quick and harrowing road to power far surpassing anything that has been possessed by human hands!

And hell. If that didn't work (yeah right) then I'd be powerful enough to just control her mind anyway. And that's like true love. Or close enough for some hot mage on mage action at any rate.

Mmmm... hot mage on mage action...

Snap out of it, you fool! You're in the middle of a live or death situation and you're off in Happy-Fun-Land dreamin' about hoo-hoos and gazongas!


Dah! You did it again! Concentrate! Live in the now! You've got an arch-fiend on one side and a reject from Xena on the other. In my corner, I've got... crap. A jack of all trades who is incompetent in all of them, a thief whom I suspect is currently emptying the contents of one of my inner pockets (damn, he's too good), a black belt or a monk or something who must be very confused because this is a euro-medieval based world, and a knight in training who, let's face it, knows more about Scooby-Doo than he does about, well, everything else combined. Oh, and the mega-hottie known as White Mage. I'm not exactly sure what it is that she contributes to our group. She's some sort of mage, I can gather that much from her name. But her particular brand of magery, if this is to be believed, has nothing to do with killing. I'm not even sure you can call it magic if someone doesn't die. Make 'em explode or have their organs turn inside out. Something!

Hmm... speaking of which, I think I just came up with a plan. And this one's bound to work!