8-Bit Theater
Episode 154
I have another: He's a landscape gardener and he's gonna plant you in the ground
I have another: He's a landscape gardener and he's gonna plant you in the ground
It Was A Nice Try. As Usual.
Date Published Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 153: Ponderous Rhetoric
Next Comic Episode 155: That Was Quick
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Giant hits hard for an entity that doesn't exist...

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Cast Appearing[edit | edit source]

Script[edit | edit source]

Red Mage You're a walking impossibility. Think about it! A being of your size couldn't be bipedal, your spine would snap like a twig!
For Gods' sake, man. Where did you find enough material for your crude loin cloth?
Or enough wood to make your enormous club
Or enough leather to fashion your smelly ol' shoes?
Giant ER... THERE WAS A SALE?
DOWN AT GROG'S DISCOUNT REALLY AND REALLY TALL--
Red Mage Wrong!
Red Mage I'll tell you where you got it all.
You got it from nowhere, that's where.
And do you know why? 'Cause giants don't make sense from an evolutionary standpoint!
Giant LOUSY EVOLUTION. WHAT YOU DO FOR ME? NUFFIN'!
Red Mage (out of frame) Exactly! You never existed in the first place, so evolution couldn't have done anything for you!
Giant (out of frame) WELL, IF I'M NOT HERE, THEN THIS WON'T HURT YOU!
Red Mage Wait! I have another theory, you're a pacifist!
Giant crushes Red Mage into the ground with his club, hitting Black Mage and Thief in the process.
Black Mage Why can't I die?
Thief My god, the pain!
Red Mage ...Ouch.
Fighter Well darn it.
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