8-Bit Theater
Episode 163
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King Steve is Stupid
Date Published Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 162: It Was So Bad That I Couldn't Help It.
Next Comic Episode 164: Prontera Bound
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A demonstration that genetics does not necessarily make a good leader.

Setting[edit | edit source]

Cast Appearing[edit | edit source]

Script[edit | edit source]

Black Mage So, can we please stop talking about this stupid bridge and get on with you giving us the really real reward?
King Steve Oh yes, of course. Now then, about that bridge I'm building as your reward...
Black Mage Aww dammit! How are we rewarded by you building yourself a fuggin' bridge?!
King Steve What, you don't like bridges?
Red Mage I believe what our robed companion is trying to say is that we were thinking of a reward more... befitting the deed.
King Steve Yes, yes, of course you were, of course. So then, you'd like the bridge to be named after you four?
Black Mage I don't think that's what--
King Steve That'd be no problem at all!
However, you understand it would only be an unofficial name.
Thief And the official name would be...?
King Steve "King Steve's Kick Ass Bridge", obviously.
Black Mage How, in the Ten Thousand Hells of the Great Lord Chaos, did a man of your grotesque stupidity become the leader of the most powerful nation in the world?
King Steve Well, my dad was King, so now I'm King.
King Steve (Closeup. Rapidly speaking) But now that I think about it, genetics is not a very good system of determining executive power. Even the most caring and capable and beloved leader--much less my greedy, thieving dad--can have an incompetent son so mindbogglingly stupid that he could singlehandedly flush the world's greatest nation down the sewer before the populace at large has a chance to notice--which is exactly what the Cornerian press used to say about me before I decreed that it was the civic duty of the press to never ever question my rule which I then also decreed to be absolute and perfect. So now even thinking that I'm not a perfect benevolent leader is a crime.
King Steve (Back to normal) So now I can do crazy stuff like drill for mana in Endangered Species Forest. Weeee!
Red Mage You don't actually drill for mana.
King Steve We do now!
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