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8-Bit Theater
Episode 172
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The Inhabitant of the Cave
Date Published Saturday, July 13th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 171: Back into the Cave... in a Minute
Next Comic Episode 173: Thank You, Mr. Carroll
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Eulogy for Fighter.

Setting[]

Cast Appearing[]

Script[]

Black Mage Oh come on! We don't really need him in our party. Red Mage can take point.
Red Mage Hm, my stats are most optimized if I've got someone in front of me.
Black Mage Okay then, Thief can go in front, I don't care.
Thief Er, my health is most optimized with at least two people in front of me.
Black Mage Look, we don't even know what's in there, other than skulls of course. And where there's skulls, there's corpses. And where there's corpses there's big giant monster... thingies. Like, I don't know dragons. Big ones that breathe fire and shoot acid and don't like being disturbed by the likes of us.
The Light Warriors are shown in miniature facing a dragon who goes "RAR!"
Red Mage There's a lot of experience to be had in slaying a dragon. At our current state, we could easily level up by defeating one in combat. Or die trying.
Black Mage I believe that's the exact point I'm trying to make!
Red Mage But if we had one of my brilliant plans to back us up in the battle...
Thief Yeah, we have access to Red Mage's great tactical... gen... ius...
Red Mage If we disguise ourselves as dragonfood, we could take him by surprise...
Red Mage Of course, we should probably douse ourselves in ketchup. Everyone knows that dragons love ketchup. That's why they live so close to ketchup mines.
Thief Note to self: Never let Red Mage make a plan. Ever.
Thief So like Black Mage was saying, we'll leave Fighter to his own devices. And demise.
Black Mage Alas, Fighter, we knew you too well. You and your fuggin' lame obsession with swords. And your wit that was sharp enough to cut warm butter. Why must the good ones die so young, while Fighter tormented me with his existence for so damn long? Oh, we dare not imagine what cruel and gruesome death he's no doubt met at the claws of some horrible hell-beast.
Black Mage Actually, I'm imagining it right now. Oh gods, it's hilarious.

He actually thinks the Armor of Invincibility is real! But that's just a horrible cave of doom! I'll never have to see him again!
Black Mage Oh man, maybe it's a cave to the Old Ones and they ripped his soul out through his spleen which, itself, had been ripped through his chest. It's too funny, I have got to sit down.
Matoya Why, hello there, boys. What are you doing in front of the perfectly harmless cave that I call home?

Come on in, I've got snacks.
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