8-Bit Theater
Episode 174
Cornetto Break!
Cornetto Break!
A New Vargus Technique!
Date Published Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 173: Thank You, Mr. Carroll
Next Comic Episode 175: The Trap is Sprung
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Fighter initiates an Earth-shattering battle... with a wall.


Cast Appearing[]


Matoya I've got chocolate-pecan, oatmeat-raisin, and peanut butter. And they're all fresh, too.
Red Mage Yay!
Black Mage I don't suppose you've got some doom cookies in there?
Matoya Oh heavens no, they taste like hell. And I'm a witch, so I know what I'm talking about.
Black Mage Poison cookies?
Matoya Bleh! Don't get me wrong, I love a good poison pudding but it's absolutely dreadful in cookie form.
Black Mage What about sharp corners? Exposed electrical outlets? Fire hazards? Radon in the basement? Cans of Mountain Dew?
Matoya Nope, nothing like any of that in here.
My cave is completely childproof.
As a coincidence, that also makes it completely idiot proof.
Black Mage Phooey.
Matoya and the Light Warriors enter Matoya's Cave. Out of frame, Fighter is making large fighting noises.



Matoya What the devils is that racket?
Black Mage If I know anything about zodiac style sword play, and unfortunately I do, that racket is the Ram Form "breaker" maneuvers.
Fighter (out of frame) Ha-Cha! That that, vile cave-beast!
Fighter (out of frame) Ouch.
Matoya (to herself) Now where did I put that light spell...
Red Mage Ah, so it's a sword fighting form that relies on striking at an opponent's weak points?
Very clever.
Black Mage Not exactly. It's the "Ram Form", whatever genius Vargus may have possessed with a blade, he was no mathelete in the realm of imagination. So...
Black Mage ...the main tactic of the Ram Form of Zodiackenshido is to break your opponent's equipment with your head before he breaks your head with his equipment.
Fighter (charging with his head) Yaaar!
Black Mage Needless to say that there have been few masters of the Ram technique.
Matoya turns the light on.
Fighter (staggering, holding his head) Are you the owner of this doom cave?
Matoya Yes.
Fighter Your rock-giant infestation has been taken care of.
Matoya Would you perchance be referring to the East wall of my living room?
Fighter Darn my overactive imagination. Darn it to heck.
Matoya How did you dent the wall?