8-Bit Theater
Episode 197
Bikke's pet dragon
Bikke's pet dragon
Black Mage is a Poor Role Model
Date Published Saturday, September 28th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 196: Takin' Notes
Next Comic Episode 198: No Good Can Come of This Either
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The Light Warriors tell a story.

Cast Appearing[]



White Mage Now that everyone's here and brought back from the brink of stabbity death...
Red Mage Thanks!
White Mage ...we can begin. Fighter, why don't you start?
Fighter Oh goody!
Black Mage Oh God.
Fighter Imagine, if you can, an epic world wherein heroes dwell. And good thing too, 'cause, man, is there ever evil afoot in this land, it's not even safe to go to the sword shop! You know these heroes. They are...
Pictures of the heroes appear as Fighter tells them
Fighter The valiant knight...
The arcane master...
The trickster rogue...
The cunning cavalier...
The caring healer...
And the brave warrior.
Fighter They must band together and rid the world of an evil scourge! One that threatens to destroy and corrupt all that has been achieved by the kingdoms of man!
A large fire-breathing dragon appears.
Dragon I'm the evil scourge! I'm a dragon. Yar!
Fighter And then...
White Mage Black Mage, you're next.
Black Mage Yeah, okay. So then the wizard guy, who was the most powerful and best looking wizard in all creation and didn't have any kind of hygiene problems, got tired of being held back by the incompetence of his stupid and very ugly compatriots.
In the story the caring healer tells the arcane master "You're dreamy!" which the arcane master replies "I know".
Black Mage So on their first night together, he cast a low level fire spell inside the lungs of the other adventurers instantly suffocating and cooking them the inside while they slept.
Black Mage Then, with the help of some basic necromancy spells, he fashioned their charred remains into an undead suit of armor that would fight for him on his quest straight to the evil scourgey dragon where he'd then deliver the corpses, demand control over half the world, and trick the dragon into stepping onto that half so he could then possess the dragon's great powers as well and usher in a new era of darkness and suffering, etc., etc.
Black Mage The end. Sleep well, guys!
White Mage Can't you do anything not evil!
Red Mage I'm scared.
Thief Me too.
Black Belt Hold me.
Black Mage I could try. Sometimes I think that maybe for the love of the right woman I could do it. You know, the kind of woman that would make me not evil. But then I think that she'd probably want to talk to me afterwards, and who wants to put up with that?
White Mage Argh!


  • The pictures of the heroes are taken from Final Fantasy Tactics. They are the Knight, Wizard, Thief, Bard, Priest and Monk.