8-Bit Theater
Episode 215
Hmm, this episode seems to be captioned for us
Hmm, this episode seems to be captioned for us
Don't Trust Stores That Can't Spell Their Own Business
Date Published Thursday October 14th, 2002
Previous Comic Episode 214: Into Action... I think
Next Comic Episode 216: Eeeeek!
Read Episode

The Light Warriors arrive on the ship to pillage help the pirates.

Cast Appearing[]


  • Bikke's Pirate ship
  • Criminal City


On Bikke's Pirate ship, Red Mage and Thief are kneeling amongst the collapsed pirates.
Black Mage (out of frame) All right, what's going on here?
Red Mage Hm, interesting. Yes...
Fighter (out of frame) Red Mage is checking their vital signs and Thief is helping him.
Thief Uh, yeah. I'm helping.

(quietly to himself) Myself!

Red Mage I have come to a conclusion, fellow Warriors of the Light!
Gather ye 'round!
The Light Warriors gather around Red Mage, except Thief.
Red Mage Thief, I said "Gather ye round".
Thief Oh, yeah? Right, okay. Um, right, but I'm uh... I'm still "helping" this guy.
Red Mage His capacity for charity is truly boundless.
Fighter Indeed. We are lucky to have him on our team.
Black Mage Are you guys actually this stupid?
Red Mage I have determined that our pirate friends aren't dead!
Dum dum dum!
Black Mage Stop that!
Red Mage Ahem. They are suffering from severe scurvy!
A pirate gets up.
Pirate Scurvy? B-but how? we've been eating a balanced diet of nothing but cheetos for the last three months.
Black Mage I think that explains it right there, buddy.
Red Mage Wait... why would you eat nothing but cheetos for three months?
Pirate To avoid getting scurvy, of course.
We need Vitamin C so that we don't get scurvy. Well, oranges don't last too long on our lengthy voyages.
So this one natrinalist down at the port in Criminal City gave us a huge load of cheetos.
Black Mage "Natrinalist"?
Pirate He said that cheetos are orange, so they're just as good for you as real oranges.
Cut to Criminal City. Akbar is standing in front of a store with a large sign reading:-

Akbar's Discount
Nutrinal Outlet

Not extremely

Akbar Suckers!


  • Scurvy is disease that results in a deficiency of Vitimin C and often inflicts seafarers in the past.