8-Bit Theater
Episode 312
Did Someone Out-thief Thief?
Did Someone Out-thief Thief?
Fair Play
Date Published Saturday July 26, 2003
Previous Comic Episode 311: Legal Dispute
Next Comic Episode 313: Wrongful Prosecution
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Cast Appearing[]


Matoya's Cave


While the negotiation is taking place between Thief and Matoya, Black Mage and White Mage are speaking in the background. Black Mage, of course, ends up angering White Mage, who chases him and eventually sends him flying with her hammer.
Thief Now that we've returned your power of sight, I was wondering if you might do us a favor.
Matoya I'm listening.
Thief My father is the King of Elfland. And he's been poisoned by nefarious ne'er-do-wells.
Matoya That's just so darn typical of ne'er-do-wells.
Thief I have discovered the formula for the antidote and I know that you're the only person who can make it.
Matoya And so you want me to brew up this antidote to save your dad.
Thief Exactly! Will you? Please?
Matoya Sure. But a skilled witch's time is valuable. It'll cost you 1000 gil plus a few minor taxes.
Thief Whatever it takes!
Matoya It's good to see such a noble spirit.
Matoya Here, I'll even give you a special do-gooder discount for being so nice.
Thief That's not necessary.
Matoya Oh, but I insist. Now just sign this invoice to confirm your order and I'll get right to work.
Thief signs the invoice.
Thief Certainly! How can I ever repay you!
Matoya Check out pages two through six of your receipt for more information on that.
Receipt Page State Tax.......170G
Federal tax.....387G
Local Tax.......14G
Cave Tax.......696G
Medicinal Tax...571G
Herb Tax........215G
Do-Gooder tax...900G
Tacks Tax......40.5G
Made up tax..10,000G
Another tax......17G
Thief WHAT!?
Thief These charges are absurd!
Matoya I admit, there are some who would find my prices a bit... taxing.
Matoya But, as they say, "He who lives by the contract gets screwed by the contract."
The Law Ninja Moon appears behind Thief.
Thief We shall see about that...