8-Bit Theater
Episode 314
Super Ultra Fine Print Strikes Again!
Super Ultra Fine Print Strikes Again!
Date Published Saturday August 2, 2003
Previous Comic Episode 313: Wrongful Prosecution
Next Comic Episode 315: The Lesser of Two Cons
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You Can't Con a Con Artist. And If You're Going To Try, You'd Best Be Better Than Him.

Cast Appearing[]



Later that day...
Fighter Wow, I can't believe Thief got out-thiefed.
Black Mage Yeah, it seems unnatural. And I like it.
Red Mage It must be eating him up inside. Oh, sure, he puts on a good show. A cursory glance would reveal nothing out of sorts. But that stoic demeanor hides a man--
Fighter Elf.
Red Mage --An elf seething wtih internal turmoil. The pressure must be unbearable. His psyche is under enough strain to shoot diamonds out his ears.
Fighter Sounds painful.
Red Mage Such is the intense pressure he must endure!
Red Mage He is now motivated only by one cause: To return to Elfland with the cure Matoya prepared for him--but at what a cost! Fiscally and emotionally speaking of, course.
Red Mage Lo, the tragic irony of it all! The son has sacrificed the very tenets of his identity to save the ailing father!
Black Mage Be quiet or I'll stab you quiet.
Fighter You always say that.
Black Mage No way, several words were different!
Red Mage Yes, let us be quiet so that we may observe this shadow of a shell of a wretch of an elf to pity him more accurately.
Red Mage What tortured thoughts plague our leader? What doubts must gnaw at him like a hungry gnawing animal gnawing with hunger?
Thief (thinking) Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together...
Back in Matoya's Cave, Matoya is looking over a deed Thief gave her.
Matoya Poor elf. You've got to wake up mighty early in the morning to pull one over on ol' Matoya. I didn't think the fool would part with the deed to his entire kingdom so easily. But that's the advantage of dealing in real estate with desperate and painfully shortsighted people.
Deed I, Thief, hereby bequeath upon Matoya the entire state of Elfland. Forwith, the terms of this contract
Close-up of the Deed ef, hereby (do not) beq
Thief ...Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near the rain clouds disappear and I feel so fine just to know that you are mine...