8-Bit Theater
Episode 317
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The Only Way To Fly
Date Published Saturday August 9, 2003
Previous Comic Episode 316: Punt of a Salesman
Next Comic Episode 318: Buckle Up, It's The Law
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Cast Appearing[]


  • Well above the Aldi Sea
  • Elf Archer HQ


Flying high over the Aldi Sea at speeds well in excess of fast.
Black Mage I seem to remember something about how the last time we visited Elfland they attacked us with the single most devastating weapon known to man.
Fighter You mean elf.
Black Mage Whatever.
Thief So? What's your point?
Black Mage My point?!
Black Mage Gee, I don't know. If the past is any indication of the future, we're gonna be blown out of the sky, fall several thousand feet, and die.
Red Mage Not necessarily. There's definitely an insignificant yet nonzero chance that we'll merely break all our bones in the fall.
Black Mage Gee, that's good news.
Red Mage Of course, we'd die over the course of several days while in hellish agony instead.
Red Mage But the experience will probably drive us mad days before the carrion birds arrive.
Thief I wouldn't get worked up about it. I'm flying the Elven flag of truce.
In the Elf Archer HQ...
Archer Sir, an airship approaches from the north.
Captain Archer Hm, I see. Has it been blown out of the sky?
Archer No, sir. It has an Elven flag of truce raised.
Captain Archer How convenient for them. They just happen to be flying toward Elfland and they just happen to have a flag of truce?! Sounds like in invasion fleet to me! These foreign devils have come to take away our beautiful elven women.
Captain Archer Like Black Magia...
Archer Your orders, sir?
Captain Archer Wipe them off the face of the sky!
Archer Shall I... blow them up, sir?
Captain Archer considers this.
Captain Archer Even better.