8-Bit Theater
Episode 322
Oh boy, story time as told by Chris Claremont!
Oh boy, story time as told by Chris Claremont!
A Giant Tale
Date Published Thursday August 21st, 2003
Previous Comic Episode 321: Unhealthy Relationship
Next Comic Episode 323: That’s One Solution
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What do you know. Two out of three giants can be wrong.

Cast Appearing[]



Thief, Fighter and a more-observant-than-usual Red Mage are evaluating their situation about Black Mage.
Thief We probably ought to get him out anyway.
Red Mage Yeah, it'll give White Mage something to do so following us here without our knowledge won't be a total waste of her time.
Thief Wait, White Mage were following us?
Red Mage Yeah, but rather slowly.
Red Mage VO I think it was some misguided effort to remain hidden from us.
Meanwhile, in some peaceful clouds farther away, Black Belt and a clearly upset White Mage and still playing catch-up in their Air-dinghy... which seems dead in the air without wind blowing into its sails.
White Mage (Angrily waving her arms) Flap faster you idiot!
Black Belt (Listlessly waving his arms) But my arms feel like they're filled with lead pudding.
Thief (Zoomed-out) We'll worry about that bridge when we burn it. Right now I'm a bit perplexed.
Fighter (Zoomed-out) Welcome to my world, Thief.
Thief (Zoomed-in) Not that perplexed.
But doesn't it seem strange to anyone else that the giant hasn't killed us yet?
Giant Oh, not so strange at all when you put everything into context.
Red Mage (Dwarfed standing next to the Giant) This context in which you speak... It doesn't involve grinding our organs into a fine yet mushy paste...
Does it?
Giant (Close-up) I should certainly think not, little one.
Giant We are a peaceful people by nature. War is not in our blood; violence is an anathema to us.
I, like all giants, ail from a distant land that is moth mystical and ancient.
Giant So it is with an especially heavy heart that I must divulge to unto you the secret, tortured history of my once noble people.
Thief We really don't have time for secret histories.
Red Mage (Waving his arms) Quiet you fool! I know a sidequest when I see one!
Giant (Off-screen, rambling in the background) Our legend speaks of a time of paradise. A time when the giants still roamed free among the grand expanses of Jotun, our homeland. Of a time before the little creatures invaded, before they defiled our sacred lands. They were horrible, I tell you. They cared not for each other, much less other beings. Their hearts were black with greed. Their ears, pointy with evil and hatred. They cared only for one thing: Material Wealth.
Fighter (Fist pumping in the fore-ground) I see now that Black Mage's fate rests entirely in my capable hands.


  • Jötunn is actually the term for a mythical giant in Norse mythology.