8-Bit Theater
Episode 341
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The Perfect Plan
Date Published October 14, 2003
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Cast Appearing[]


Elf Land, plains


Red Mage If elves and dwarves get along so famously, then isn't it dangerous for you to lead us into the Dwarf Kingdom?
Black Mage And more to the point isn't it dangerous for us to appear sympathetic to an elf?
Thief Technically, yes. But all elves know that all dwarves are stupid. That, combined with my innate ability as a thief to be a master of disguise, guarantees that we'll be safe and undetected forever.
Black Mage Hm, a disguise, eh?
Red Mage Why, a plan so simple couldn't possibly fail us!
Fighter (thinking) Thief may be able to hide his goofy lookin' ears and his stupid pointy shoes, but he still smells like an elf!
Fighter (thinking) Surely such an outdoorsy odor would immediately offend the stink-palette of any dwarf!
Black Mage Maybe it's just the fact that we're going with a plan that relies entirely on the stupidity of other people instead of our own supposed genius, but I agree with RM on this one.
Fighter (thinking) I'd better tell them--but do I dare give up the Quiet Game when the vaguely defined terms for winning are no doubt so close at hand?
Thief Any objections?
Black Mage (thinking of White Mage clutching a hammer) I prefer to objectify. Heh.
Thief Then it's settled. We're going with Plan: Guaranteed Victory!
Black Mage Wow, with a name like that, we can't lose. Ever!
Red Mage Onward, good fellows!
Fighter (thinking) Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we play the Quiet Game!