| 8-Bit Theater | |
| Episode 401 | |
| |
| More like greed battered in avarice. And then wrapped with bacon. | |
| Episode 401: Civility Before Hostility | |
| Date Published | Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 |
| Previous Comic | Episode 400: Not Safe for Work, School, or Anywhere You Can Get in Trouble |
| Next Comic | Episode 402: The Spoils Have Been Reaped |
| Read Episode | |
Chili powder can be used on short-notice as a substitute for Sin when seasoning seared animal flesh.
Setting[]
- In front of and inside the Von Vampire Residence
Cast Appearing[]
- Vilbert von Vampire
- Vilbert's mother, Mrs. von Vampire
- Fighter McWarrior
- Some... dudes... from Alabama.
- Thief
- Red Mage Statscowski
- Black Mage Evilwizardington
- The Sulk
- Random law-enforcing soldiers (the armored police)
Script[]
| Mrs. von Vampire | (Close-up) Dinner's on boys. I made plenty for... every... |
| Mrs. von Vampire takes in the scene before her home: Vilbert is under the Armoire, a Hellmouth is gaping open filling the air with brimstone, and the Light Warriors are there. | |
| Mrs. von Vampire | (Off panel) I see my son has been beaten and stabbed to death with a large piece of furniture. Shucks. And judging by the tattered rags over there, my husband appears to have fallen through a fissure in the earth. |
| Fighter | It goes to the worst place in the world. |
| A photo of two very pale men in jeans and a dire need of shirts taking a stroll in the grass. | |
| Man | No, even worse than Alabama, but thanks for askin'. |
| Mrs. von Vampire | Well, this horrible travesty could only be made worse by letting a delicious meatloaf dinner go to waste. Come on inside. I'll alert the authorities so they can do something about the nasty hell-pothole you boys made. |
| Later... | |
| The warriors and Mrs. von Vampire are sitting inside at the dining table. | |
| Red Mage | This meatloaf is great!
Aren't you glad you came back to the mortal realm so you could enjoy this stuff, BM? |
| Black Mage | When I was the Hell King, we'd feast on the souls of the gluttons.
It was like eating Murder marinated in Sin. It was bliss. |
| Mrs. von Vampire | Well, I like to put a touch of chili powder in the meat. You know, to give it that extra little kick. |
| Black Mage | That's... that's just super. |
| Meanwhile, just outside the Sulk has arrived for dinner with Vilbert's music albums in hand. | |
| Sulk | Sulk brought Cure albums back. |
| Police Chief | What have we here? |
| Police Officer | Look at those Cure albums. No emotionally balanced, healthy person would listen to that. This is obviously our perp. |
| Police Chief | That's enough evidence for me. Take him away boys! |
| Police Officer | (aside) 'Boys', I'm the only one here. Ah, poor crazy chief. |
| Sulk | (Being escorted offscreen) Sulk too pretty for jail! |
| Police Officer | (raising his polearm) Quiet Jail-y. |