8-Bit Theater
Episode 514
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Cold Shoulder
Date Published Thursday, February 10th, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 513: Thus Spoke Sardathustra
Next Comic Episode 515: Cold Hearted
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Black Mage stabs Fighter and blames it on the ice mistress.

Cast Appearing[]


  • Unnamed tundra


Black Mage At least the Dark Warriors probably died in the wreck too.
Fighter The who?
Black Mage is silent
Black Mage (with gritted teeth) The pirates.
Fighter Oh, hey!
I never got the secret to reveal the secret of the mystery of the cursed pirates cave galleon.
Black Mage Yes. Tragic. And such a shame it's far too late to start talking about it n--
Fighter They weren't pirates at all.
(offscreen, with a movie projector and a werewolf) Old Man Withers had set up a complex series of movie projectors, mirrors, smoke machines, and a werewolf to trick us into thinking--
Black Mage stabs him on the head with a THUNK!
Black Mage The ice is a fickle mistress.
Thief Plus she appears to be a knife wielding maniac.
Black Mage Aren't they all?
Thief Aren't they all what?
Black Mage Women. They're all crazy.
Look at White Mage and her irrational hatred of me.
Thief A) I wouldn't call that crazy so much as expected and B) Can we talk about this after we're dead?
I can't think of anything I'd like less to talk about in my final moments than the incomprehensible mating rituals of you filthy non-elves.
Red Mage Fellows!
My plan is nearly complete. The final, most integral step is at hand.
Our very survival now hinges upon Fighter's unique ability to... hrm.
Red Mage Oh, murderous ice!
Red Mage When will women-identified personifications learn not to be crazy?!
Black Mage That's what I'm sayin'!


  • Fighter's conclusion of his little mystery is a common cliche in the cartoon, Scooby-Doo. The culprit often uses complicated illusionary objects to fool his/her victims, with Old Man Withers as the common culprit.