8-Bit Theater
Episode 514
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Cold Shoulder
Date Published Thursday, February 10th, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 513: Thus Spoke Sardathustra
Next Comic Episode 515: Cold Hearted
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Black Mage stabs Fighter and blames it on the ice mistress.

Cast AppearingEdit


  • Unnamed tundra


Black MageAt least the Dark Warriors probably died in the wreck too.
FighterThe who?
Black Mage is silent
Black Mage(with gritted teeth) The pirates.
FighterOh, hey!
I never got the secret to reveal the secret of the mystery of the cursed pirates cave galleon.
Black MageYes. Tragic. And such a shame it's far too late to start talking about it n--
FighterThey weren't pirates at all.
(offscreen, with a movie projector and a werewolf) Old Man Withers had set up a complex series of movie projectors, mirrors, smoke machines, and a werewolf to trick us into thinking--
Black Mage stabs him on the head with a THUNK!
Black MageThe ice is a fickle mistress.
ThiefPlus she appears to be a knife wielding maniac.
Black MageAren't they all?
ThiefAren't they all what?
Black MageWomen. They're all crazy.
Look at White Mage and her irrational hatred of me.
ThiefA) I wouldn't call that crazy so much as expected and B) Can we talk about this after we're dead?
I can't think of anything I'd like less to talk about in my final moments than the incomprehensible mating rituals of you filthy non-elves.
Red MageFellows!
My plan is nearly complete. The final, most integral step is at hand.
Our very survival now hinges upon Fighter's unique ability to... hrm.
Red MageOh, murderous ice!
Red MageWhen will women-identified personifications learn not to be crazy?!
Black MageThat's what I'm sayin'!


  • Fighter's conclusion of his little mystery is a common cliche in the cartoon, Scooby-Doo. The culprit often uses complicated illusionary objects to fool his/her victims, with Old Man Withers as the common culprit.
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