8-Bit Theater
Episode 517
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Date Published Saturday, February 19th, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 516: Liberally Bleeding Heart
Next Comic Episode 518: Iced
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Red Mage introduces his cold fusion reactor, and the team thinks its a great idea... to kill him.

Cast Appearing[]


  • Unnamed tundra


Black Mage You've created a giant block of ice.
Red Mage In a form of a cold fusion reactor, yes.
Black Mage Er, of course.
Now, explain how this was going to help us survive?
Red Mage Given: Fusion creates energy. Energy begets heat.
Therefore cold fusion makes cold energy that gives off cold heat.
Black Mage What?
Red Mage But since we want warm, or "non-imaginary" forms of heat, we'd have to reverse it.
The opposite of cold fusion is cold fission, see?
That's why I needed Fighter. He was going to split the ice.
Cold fission would make hot cold, and warm us in this desolate place.
Red Mage He'd split it with his sword.
Black Mage Oh, I get it.
Red Mage Now that Fighter is down, we'll have to try something else.
Thief Like take advantage of the fact that ice is a natural insulator of heat and hollow out an ice shelter to block bitter winds that are assaulting us.
Red Mage Thief, this is no time for your crazy voodoo physics. Ice is cold, so it would insulate coldness.
Red Mage No, our course is clear.
We must build an even larger block of ice to push this one onto Fighter's sword at a precise angle thus splitting it to unleash precious cold fission energies.
Black Mage I should like to hire you for an assassination, good sir.
Thief Oh, no. This one is free of charge. I insist.