8-Bit Theater
Episode 545
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Pattern Recognition
Date Published Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 544: Taking Aim
Next Comic Episode 546: Mysteries of the Sea
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Black Mage is indeed a sucker...

Cast Appearing[]


  • Outside Akbar's Very Effective Witness Protection Program building
  • In an orphanage


Black Mage Okay, so we're all agreed on this?
Red Mage I don't know. It seems like there's a glaring problem with this course of action.
Black Mage There's a decidedly fatal problem without this course of action, so guess which one I'm doin'.
Red Mage See, I think these problems are related.
Black Mage Hey, this was Thief's idea.
And if there's one thing I know about Thief's ideas, it's that they always work.
Thief This "Thief" sounds like an excellent fellow. I wouldn't know of course, as my name is Lopez and definitely not Thief.
Red Mage Well I'm convinced.
The building sign reads:
Very Effective Witness Protection Program

(not utterly useless)
Black Mage I knew there was a use for his evil genius that didn't involve screwin' me like a two-dicked billygoat.
Orphanage Head Don't worry, orphans. The giant cargo ship filled to its seams with medicines and food shall be here any day now!
Onion Kid Well, I already lost my real family and then my loving foster family to random violence.
Orphanage Head So, statistically speaking, nothing horrible could happen to that ship.
But if it does, then we know who to blame and therefore who to kick out.