8-Bit Theater
Episode 575
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Rats Of Unusual Size
Date Published Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 574: Totally Blown Away
Next Comic Episode 576: Racial Violence
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Stuck in a potentially awkward situation.

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Script[edit | edit source]

Thief I know you guys aren't elves, but even your species must have some limit to stupidity hard coded into your base DNA.

The dragon you met may be a king, but it is of hobos and his only claim to Godhood is how he feels after a few bottles of hooch.

I turn around for five minutes to set up an incredibly profitable business...

...And you guys are taking orders from a drunk, subterranean man in a soiled dragon outfit he made out of discarded rat skins sewn together with clumps of his own hair.
Red Mage We promised to kill a Dire Rat for him.
Thief That's another thing.
What's so dire about a rat?
Red Mage It's commonly known that simply adding the term "dire" to any existing animal species will produce a larger, sinister variant of that animal.
Take, for example, the dreaded Dire Elk.
Arrow pointing at elk saying: Extremely dire
Thief That's the stupidest thing I've heard that didn't involve dragon gods or their kings.
Black Mage No, a Dire Elk bit my sister once.
Fighter You have a sister too?
Black Mage Well, I wouldn't use the present tense to describe any member of my family, but yeah.
Thief The point is, your hobo friend wanted you to bring back the tail of a fictional animal.
Thief I don't think he's going to be disappointed or surprised when you fail.
Silence...cut to Thief, with Berserker Axinhed behind him.
Thief What?
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