8-Bit Theater
Episode 580
Like spontaneous combustion!
Like spontaneous combustion!
Sea Gods Are Pussies
Date Published Saturday, July 23, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 579: Little Miracles
Next Comic Episode 581: Of Tricksters and Thieves
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If you're looking for a reliable god, try Chuck Norris. He'll be the answer to your problems!

Cast Appearing[]



Red Mage So.
Red Mage You're. Y'know. You're wearing, um, rat.
Berserker Oh, indeed.
Red Mage (thinking) Okay, don't panic. Just keep talking and he might not rip your face off with his teeth and pee on what's left...
Red Mage Do that often?
Berserker Only when hunting for Dire Rats.
Cleric I prayed to the Trickster God to fix your friend up.
The Blue Book of Divinity doesn't list a single prayer for tricksters, so I had to wing it.
Cut to the Blue Book: 12th Edition
An Illustrated Guide With Prices for Classic & Collectible Gods
Black Mage Yeah, it's because they screw you faster than a two dollar whore.
And usually with a shiv they convinced you to make.
Cleric Oh, I'm sure you're thinking of some other god.
The one I met gave me this healing shiv.
Black Mage Okay. Cleric isn't good with gods.
Cleric (muttering) Which end does the healing...
Ranger Quite the contrary, really.
We'd have never made it to this island if not for Cleric's prayers to the Sea Gods.
Cleric Of course, the gods work in mysterious ways.
Like a healing shiv.
Ranger For instance, we got here via shipwreck.
Cleric The part that confuses me, though, is that we weren't actually in a ship.
Cleric Or anywhere near an ocean.
Cleric So very mysterious.