Episode 580: Sea Gods Are Pussies

8-Bit Theater
Episode 580
Like spontaneous combustion!
Sea Gods Are Pussies
Date Published	Saturday, July 23, 2005
Previous Comic	Episode 579: Little Miracles
Next Comic	Episode 581: Of Tricksters and Thieves
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If you're looking for a reliable god, try Chuck Norris. He'll be the answer to your problems!

Cast Appearing

• Red Mage Statscowski
• Black Mage Evilwizardington
• Berserker Axinhed
• Ranger
• Cleric

Setting

• Cardia Isles

Script

Red Mage	So.
Red Mage	You're. Y'know. You're wearing, um, rat.
Berserker	Oh, indeed.
Red Mage	(thinking) Okay, don't panic. Just keep talking and he might not rip your face off with his teeth and pee on what's left...
Red Mage	Do that often?
Berserker	Only when hunting for Dire Rats.
Cleric	I prayed to the Trickster God to fix your friend up. The Blue Book of Divinity doesn't list a single prayer for tricksters, so I had to wing it.
Cut to the Blue Book: 12th Edition An Illustrated Guide With Prices for Classic & Collectible Gods
Black Mage	Yeah, it's because they screw you faster than a two dollar whore. And usually with a shiv they convinced you to make.
Cleric	Oh, I'm sure you're thinking of some other god. The one I met gave me this healing shiv.
Black Mage	Okay. Cleric isn't good with gods.
Cleric	(muttering) Which end does the healing...
Ranger	Quite the contrary, really. We'd have never made it to this island if not for Cleric's prayers to the Sea Gods.
Cleric	Of course, the gods work in mysterious ways. Like a healing shiv.
Ranger	For instance, we got here via shipwreck.
Cleric	The part that confuses me, though, is that we weren't actually in a ship.
Cleric	Or anywhere near an ocean.
Cleric	So very mysterious.