8-Bit Theater
Episode 581
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Of Tricksters and Thieves
Date Published Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Previous Comic Episode 580: Sea Gods Are Pussies
Next Comic Episode 582: Trickery, trickery, trickery.
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Thief continues to be a dick, even towards a god.

Cast Appearing[]


  • Cardia Isles, inside Thief's subconsciousness, where there's lots of money


Thief So who are you?
Raven Raven.
Thief And why are you here?
Raven To trick death.
Raven Actually, that's happening, well, your four-dimensional brain couldn't comprehend a word for it, so we'll just say that it's happening "elsewhere."
Thief Ah.
Why do I feel like that didn't answer my question?
Raven Let's start this over.

(becomes a totem) I'm Raven, the local totemistic representation of trickery. I've entered into a mostly legit contract to bring you back from the brink of death.
Thief I see.
There's one problem though.
Thief I'm an elf.
We believe the gods made themselves in our image because we're so damn good lookin'.
I don't believe in a totem-based divinity.
Raven Hey, neither does that Cleric kid, but he ain't picky.
And you shouldn't either.
Thief Why's that?
Raven Without my help, you'll be stuck here forever.
Pans out to Thief's surroundings, filled with mounds of golden money...
Thief You don't know me very well, do you.