"To the Reddest of Red Mages,

As a fellow Red Mage, and a member of a small Red Mage Guild (Which also includes one Fighter or "Fall Boy," one Thief or "Fund Raiser," and one White Mage or "Lizzy"), we have often pondered over this question and have yet to reach a logical conclusion. The question is simply this: Which is more useful, Black Magic or White Magic?

As a side note, I have been asked to relay this question to you as well: How would one learn Blue Magic to further increase their versatility?

Thank you, Red Mage Adam"

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I would be branded a hypocrite if I ever chose between the two, they are both equally important, and no self respecting Red Mage would be caught dead without an ample supply of both. As for your Blue Magic question, one learns blue magic by letting monsters hit them. So next time you’re fighting a minotaur, let him hit you with his great axe, then ask your DM if you learned the attack, repeat this after every hit dealt to you by every monster ever.

"Red Mage,

I have a problem. In my favorite D&D Game, I'm an Elvish Druid. However, I'm really scared of that "Irresistible Dance" spell cast by pixies. Do you know of any magic charms or protective spells that I can use to prevent me from being forced to dance?

Signed, Scared To Dance"

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If your DM ever pulls that “Irresistible Dance” garbage on you, the fairies you’re fighting might not be the only ones in the room, if you catch my meaning.

"Dear Red Mage,

In 3rd Edition Dungeons & Dragons, you're given the choice between a sorcerer or wizard when it comes to 'pure' arcane spellcasting.

My problem is this: Which should I be? I enjoy the sorcerer's more spells per day, but am somewhat turned off by the severe lack of spells. I'd give up a spell just to learn something like Tenser's Floating Disc, but I fear that I'll wish I had spent that learned spell on something that will keep my ass out of the fire for a little longer.

Whereas a Wizard has more skills (due to requiring high Intelligence) and bonus feats for metamagic and item creation--in addition to learning the extra spells necessary to create something such as a magic sword, a construct to defend himself, or even a Golem or Colossus if he's absolutely stupid enough to do so.

My question, naturally is: Which is the better spell, a Meteor Swarm that impacts its target directly or a maximized, empowered, caster-level-20 Fire Arrow?

--Jacob Orravan"

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I’ll take this one point by point. First of all, Tenser’s Floating Disc?! Why would you ever use Tenser’s Floating Disc? Go back and read the spell description and try to imagine loading it up with treasure on level 7 of a dungeon and then trying to go up a long series of staircases. Impossible!! It’s a worthless spell meant for dumb, inexperienced mages. Drop it in favor of the twinkeriffic Grease, true Strike or Mystra help us all if you don’t have it yet, Magic Missile.

To address your second point; a meteor swarm has the ability to do at the absolute minimum of 24 points of damage, the maximized flame arrow also deals 24 points of damage. The damage award goes to the Meteor Swarm.

In answer to your overall question of Wizards vs. Sorcerers, I’ll always go with Sorcerers. Their primary ability is charisma, so you’re already a hit with the ladies. On top of that they can use all simple weapons, so they’re effective in combat. Combine all this with their ability to cast umpteen bazillion Magic Missiles a day and you’ve got one unbeatable warrior.

"Yo, RM

Here's a question that's been weighing on my mind for quite some time... What exactly does one do with a +5 Vorpal blade in one's off time? I mean, sure, in battle and adventuring it's great for the clean severing of limbs, but when at home, I can just never seem to find something to do with it. Can you help me? Thanks.

Tsunaki Kino

PS: Imps are ugly."

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A valid question. Since it’s impossible to display effectively, you might want to try using it for more utilitarian purposes. A Vorpal Blade can be used for such "around the house" chores as cooking, gardening really fast, carpentry when a rotary saw isn’t available, and shredding important documents. It’s a good thing.

PS. Not to their mothers.

"Red mage,

Okay, think Final Fantasy games for this one, specifically with customizable character classes like 5 and 10, what the best kinds of characters you, fair Red mage, would suggest. I mean, there are obvious ones such as White Mage/Summoner, Black Mage/Time Mage (FFV) and such, but I'm sure a master of statistics such as the illustrious red mage could find some obscure and handy ones.


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Final Fantasy? Never heard of it.

Dear Red Mage,

I wanna make sure I’m the first idiot to ask you this... What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? The classic Juggernaut vs. The Blob scenario. And don't give me any cop out answers, either.

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I’ll have to put on my +3 Cap of Thinking for this one. Physics tells us that the unstoppable force should bounce off the immovable object and continue traveling, just in a different direction, thus keeping both objects immovable and unstoppable respectively. As for the Blob/juggernaut scenario, you should remember that the Blob is just a lowly mutant while the Juggernaut is magically powered. The Blob is a red paste.

Dear Red Mage,

I have a hat that gives me +4/+4 in intelligence but my friend needs to wear it. However it can only be worn by me. What can I do?


Hattrick in IL

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Switch heads.